My Christmas anxiety and tips for minimising it
When my kids were younger (in those wonderful days when they believed in magic and Santa) I felt compelled to give them the ‘best Christmas ever’ year after year after year.
Now I am no perfectionist by any stretch of the imagination, I don’t care what the tree looks like, or if we have enough Christmas lights or anything. I wasn’t trying to outdo anyone.
With 3 kids there was the mental load of balancing the right amount of presents to ensure there was an even number and an even amount of money spent on each one. As there are decent age gaps (nearly 4 years) they were also at very different ages and stages. Some stages are easy to buy for than others!!! I felt pressured to make sure that IF they compared with each other each one would feel they got an even amount.
Because my partner worked in a stressful environment that got worse at this time of the year it always felt like I had to organise everything. I didn’t ask for much help, I dreamed up what we would get them, found the presents, hid them, wrapped them (usually at 10pm on Christmas eve) and then got shitty with him when he didn’t really assist (maybe because I hadn’t asked?)
Then there was work stuff, extra social activities, and OMG, at primary school it felt like so many extra bits and pieces to keep up with. End of year this that and the other. Prize givings here and there. Dance shows, Christmas concerts, class lunches and picnics and secret santas all over the place.
Don’t get me wrong, it was fun, but it was B U S Y.
I had to double down to keep up with it all – and then there was the family event to be prepared for “on the day” plus our annual camping trip happened soon after.
I do remember saying that it just wasn’t fair. Why do we have school end of year, Christmas, summer holidays and camping trips piled all ontop of each other? It would be FAR easier to have Christmas in the winter without all the extra things on!!!
I distinctly remember standing in the kitchen on many occasion and feeling totally overwhelmed, light headed and consciously needing to remind myself to B R E A T H E.
And those breaths would put me back on track.
Was I truly under pressure?
Yes, it was busy but it was mostly in my head. The mental load. The thinking about everything. The anxiety of the kids not thinking that they got the same as each other. The worry that I hadn’t got the “right” thing. The thought of being the ‘stink aunty’ if I didn’t buy my nieces and nephews the perfect gift.The last minute trawling through the mall, looking for said perfect gift….
For most of us that is what contributes towards the most stress and anxiety — the thoughts. I really needed to just take a moment to clear my mind to enable me to feel like I could cope with everything more effectively.
Here’s my 7 suggestions to help you deal with Christmas stress and anxiety.
- If you can, be organised ahead of time
While it might be too late to do for this year there will be another time as Christmas does come every year, we know it’s coming…..so we do have the opportunity to be organised for it. The years when I’ve been more organised with gifts (ie started buying in September and October) were the easiest years.
Write what you need to be doing and where you need to be on a calendar so you’re not surprised at the last minute reminders and you can see it visually laid out in front of you.
- Write it down
If you feel like there’s a big list of things on your mind – then get it OUT of your head and onto paper (or notes in your phone). If there’s things going on in your head in the middle of the night or as you’re going off to sleep, have pen and paper next to your bed to get it OUT of your head an onto paper and that will help you go off to sleep easier.
- Do it your way (and create realistic expectations for you and family)
Do Christmas your way.
It doesn’t matter what that is.
The advantage of doing this when your kids are young is that you’re kind of setting them up for the future – my advice would be to set the bar low. Then you can go higher if need be later on.
It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. “Comparisonitis” the situation of compararing ourselves to others is pointless. We’re all in different situations. We all have different levels of finances and they way we do things.
In fact, you could teach that to your kids. “Don’t compare what you got compared to your sister/brother because you’re not always going to get the same things”
What is the point of blowing the budget for the next 6 months just to “keep up” with everyone else? And once you’ve done it this year, the children’s expectations are set – if you start Christmas huge, you’ll feel the expectation to keep it going. Will you be in a better place financially next year? Nobody knows.
my two cents worth about Santa. Take it or leave it
I would have loved it if it was the norm to give big items from the family and the smaller items from Santa.
When my children’s cousins were getting iphones and laptops from Santa, they wondered why Santa wasn’t delivering them to our street. Hmmmmmm……..how do we explain that as parents?
If you’re at the beginning of that Santa journey it might be worth considering how you do that. Can Santa give the cute, cheaper or practical items? Because you as parents also need the credit for those big items too ; ) So the kids can thank you not just some magical figure from the north pole.
- When feeling stressed out, take time to be in nature
It’s an easy time of the year to be out in nature, which will help you to feel grounded and calmer. Getting into the garden, talking a walk on the beach or finding an opportunity to be in nature is so beneficial to your nervous system. Nature is literally a magical de-stresser, so see if you can find a way to incorporate it into your day. And if for some reason you can’t then you’ll love the audio track I’m gifting to you – why is visualising nature ALWAYS incorporated into relaxation, meditation and mindfulness exercises – because it works!
- Ask for support and / or Just Say No
You don’t have do everything yourself. You don’t need to be supermum. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. If you feel you’ve taken on more than you can handle, it’s ok to ask around for help. Or simply say No. Having people over? Ask everyone to bring a plate. I repeat – You do not need to do Everything.
- Breathe
Simple and effective. And if you’ve done the hypnobirthing course you’ll be familiar with this technique. The relax/calm breath will literally calm your nervous system and help keep you in that ‘healing’ state as opposed to the ‘fight or flight’ state that we jump into when we are stressed. This is so incredibly important long term.
When you notice yourself tensing up, feeling overwhelm or another negative emotion.
Stop.
Take a nice deep Breath in through your nose to the count of 4
Slowly exhale to the count of 8
Repeat twice more
This is you saying to your body – it’s time to relax, unwind, calm down, remain calm etc.
It’s simple and easy
- Be mindful
Being mindful means being aware of what we are thinking and how we are feeling to absorb everything in the present moment non judgementally
Therefore, notice if you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious and recognise it without beating yourself up about it. What would a good friend say to you if she knew how you were feeling? Would she tell you to get over yourself, suck it up or say anything nasty to you? No, and therefore don’t let your mind be nasty to you.
When we recognise how we feel without judging it enables us to take a step back and see how the feeling is affecting us in the moment. Then we have the power to let it go. You can talk to your anxiety to say “I see you, I feel you and I know you’re there. And I know you will pass.” Because it does always pass.
From there you can focus on your breath, on the feeling on the air on your face, notice what you can see and hear in this moment and just BE with it. This will help your mind slow down and understand It’s all ok.
We can do this in other moments too, to slow down the mind and the brain and it can often enable us to find more joy in the day to day moments. And hopefully to find the joy around this time of year too.
And on the topic of Christmas, there’s more thing….. Traditions
Do you know what my kids remember the most about Christmas? (they’re 20, 17 and 13 now) It’s the fact that every year since they were babies we take a special Christmas photo in front of our favourite Pohutukawa tree on the beach. We do this in the week (or 2) leading up to Christmas and it’s become our family tradition.
Kids love traditions – things that you might do every year. Can I highly recommend you start one – it’s never too late to start.
and, if anxiety is a thing for you – don’t make the tradition a complicated time consuming one. (eg I’m not going anywhere near that “elf” for 24 days tradition – omg it would just do my head in. You might be different, but I KNOW it’s sooo not me)
An example of our yearly photo below
In other news
My hypnotherapy practise has expanded over the past year. I have done a lot of work with helping mothers release trauma – and that could come in all shapes and forms whether it’s from birth, miscarriage, life situations
I worked with many clients to help them release fears and phobias. This has included phobias of needles, blood, flying and even a phobia developed after a client was the victim of an online scam.
I work with the Virtual Gastric Band helping clients with weight loss and management. Helping some to overcome sugar addictions (and other addictions too)
It’s wonderful to help people shift negative emotions and to assist them to navigate the challenges that come from parenting, relationships and toxic work places.
There’s been the Calm Mama course – a 3 hour course specifically for new parents .
But my favourite work is always the hypnobirthing course – teaching online in person and live in person courses. I also offer one on one private sessions.
Have you listened to the Positive Births NZ podcast yet?
With over 40 positive birth stories on here, you’ll find every type of birth story with a whole lot of wonderful accounts from mums and dads about their birth journey. This is a must listen for any of your pregnant friends/family/ work colleagues to help them be inspired and feel positive about birth.
Finally to end on an exciting note, I’m looking forward to being at a very special birth around New Years time when my daughter’s baby is due. This is a much loved baby girl who we can’t wait to meet!
Yes, I’ll keep you posted on my Instagram and facebook pages.
If you want to follow I’m at: www.facebook.com/positivebirths
and instagram positive_births_nz
Wishing you and your family a wonderful summertime
Helen
